CORBYN SAYS SORRY AGAIN: NEW PARTY DESCENDS INTO MEMBERSHIP MAYHEM

Jeremy Corbyn urges supporters to “move on” after a botched membership launch — while Zarah Sultana fumes and the Midlands wonders what it’s all for.

I will be honest with you: I am getting fed up reporting on this. It is hilarious, yes, but also dreary, a political soap opera so slow moving you wonder if the cast have nodded off. The new Corbyn party, “Your Party”, “Our Party”, “Somebody’s Party”, whatever it is calling itself this week, is already tripping over its shoelaces.

And today, Jeremy Corbyn updated us once again. He apologised for the confusion over a bungled membership rollout, relaunched the sign up portal, and urged everyone to “move on.” He means well, he always does. But it still leaves the impression of a movement more worried about who has the passwords than about how to fix the country.

Now, let me say this straight: Corbyn is a decent man. Polite, courteous, principled to the core. I have chatted with him about Arsenal, about Walsall FC, and about broad beans, which shows the scope of the fella is not reduced to politics. The last time we met was only a few months ago at a mutual mate’s birthday party. Nothing fancy, just a casual do. He was the same as ever, gentle, considered, quietly determined. He even hinted then that he was bound to start a new movement. And let us be honest, we would all have been surprised if he had not.

But politics is not gentle. And that is where things start to unravel. Corbyn talks about inclusivity while the people around him squabble about membership portals like kids fighting over the TV remote. It is unedifying.

The row with Zarah Sultana has become the centrepiece. She says she has been excluded, sidelined, frozen out. He says she was not authorised to launch a membership system. Before you know it we have lawyers being briefed, data complaints being drafted, and Corbyn himself telling everyone to calm down and “move on.” For heaven’s sake. This is not revolution. This is the IT helpdesk having a meltdown.

And here is the rub with Ms Sultana. Back in 2020 she stood in the Commons and supported a motion that MPs who change party should be subject to recall. It sounded noble enough at the time. Put the power back in the hands of the people, make MPs accountable if they abandon the party they stood for. Yet here she is today, still the MP for Coventry South, having quit Labour and signed up to this new experiment, but not offering her electorate the very accountability she once championed. What is good for the goose should be good for the gander. Apparently not in her case.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, ordinary people in the West Midlands are still waiting for something that matters. The bins are left piled high after strikes, potholes could swallow a Fiesta whole, and trying to see a GP is like joining a queue for Glastonbury tickets. Nobody on Broad Street, or in Solihull, or in Wolverhampton gives a toss who controls the Corbynite database. They want to know: what is the plan, how will it help me, can you keep the factories open, the jobs secure, the rivers clean?

Instead we get statement after statement, apology after apology, and the promise of yet another relaunch. A new name in October, a founding conference in November. Lovely. That is the timetable. In the meantime the Tory government dithers, Labour snores, and Corbyn’s lot bicker about log ins. Rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic looks like masterful strategy in comparison.

And so I find myself half laughing, half yawning. Corbyn is still the thoughtful uncle at the family row, softly spoken and kindly, while the younger ones shout and throw plates. His heart is in the right place but the room is too noisy for him to control it. And Sultana, well, she is not helping matters by clinging to a seat she herself once said should be tested by recall.

The irony is that this new party could matter. It could give people in the Midlands and beyond a genuine alternative to the hollow suits in Westminster. Corbyn has integrity and personal credibility that most politicians would kill for. He is liked across the world for his principles. But integrity alone does not run a party. It takes organisation, discipline, and the ability to manage squabbles before they become front page news.

So here we are. Another day, another Corbyn update. Another promise of renewal, another round of bickering. Hilarious, yes. Dreary, certainly. And if they carry on like this, the only movement they will be starting is a conga line at the next birthday party.